Saturday, February 18, 2012

Student buys Elkton Hall using Carlton Sheets' NO MONEY DOWN method

Two months ago, Peter Milton was an average college freshman struggling to succeed both in and out of the classroom. Peter's life consisted of going to class, going to work and masturbating to pictures of the Maryland volleyball team. He seemed to be heading nowhere fast.

But last year Peter saw an infomercial for Carlton Sheets' patented "NO MONEY DOWN" real estate investment course. Peter decided that it was time to become financially independent and made the call.

"When I saw the ad on TV, I thought, 'Oh sure, they can succeed, but what chance do I have?' But when I saw there was an opportunity for a $9.95 free trial, I took the money out of my roommate's pants and called right away."

Peter's personal copy of NO MONEY DOWN arrived at campus mail services three days later. He received it in his mailbox the next month. Peter immediately knew what he had to do: get drunk on cheap beer and make fun of Gemstone students. After that, he knew what he also had to do: put Carlton Sheets' plan into action. "I found it was surprising easy to follow Carlton's instructions," Peter said. "In fact, I'd wager that a mildly retarded orangutan could follow them! Well, maybe not, but you get the idea."

Just months later, Peter made his first purchase: the Aviary building (that little house with all the bees). Using the patented NO MONEY DOWN plan, Peter bought the Aviary from the school for next to nothing, then sold it to a group of skin-irritation fetishists for THOUSANDS.

Peter continued to acquire properties - Classroom Building, Cole Field House, and that trailer in front of the Health Center. He used that cash flow to make his biggest purchase yet: Elkton Hall.

"If you'd told me two years ago that I'd be standing in front of you, owner of over a dozen campus buildings, I'd have punched you in the groin," Peter said. "Now, however, I can believe that ANY student can do it - but not here, I don't need competition. Here it only works for me."

Peter shared his success story with oth- ers on Carlton Sheets' latest infomercials. "I went from masturbating to pictures of volleyball players to masturbating ON volleyball players. And with Carlton Sheets' NO MONEY DOWN plan, I'll be able to make bail!"

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