Saturday, February 18, 2012

Mother's Day Tips

With Mother's Day fast approaching (yes, it is!), people will be frantically rushing to buy gifts with whatever money they have left-over after 57 Chipotle burritos. Here's what to buy (and what NOT to buy).

• Show mom your thriftiness by spending the rest of your dining hall points on "Mother's Day Cheesesteaks."

• If you buy all your gifts early, make sure to mark them clearly. You don't want your mom walk- ing around in a "#1 Dad" shirt.

• Tis better to give a $29.99 sweatshirt then six $5 left-over Orange Bowl T-shirts.

• Your mom won't believe your protests that Mother's Day is just another Hallmark holiday designed to steal our money if you bring it up on May 11th. Start bitching in advance.

• You can only give mugs for so many years in a row. • No one will believe your "I was too busy deciding who to vote for in the SGA elections" excuse.

• There's no need to make a big deal about spending a lot on a gift, unless there are women around. In that case, talk aloud about how more people need to appreciate

the women of the world, and how you wish the world could be as sensitive as you are. This will give you the appearance of sincerity!

• Gifts for mom: Good. Gifts for grandma: Good. Gifts for your roommate's mom: A little creepy.

• Please, please PLEASE don't write your mom a song, then put it out on an album (applies to Michael Bolton only).

• At one time e-cards, or greeting cards as they were known, came in "paper" form. Maybe you could get one of those from an antique store to show you care.

• Always remember: When in doubt, always give left-over Easter candy.

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