Saturday, February 18, 2012

Campus Bookstore Marred by Separation

Recent visitors to the student union have sadly discovered that the University Book Center’s Team Store has split from the Textbook Division onto different floors. The separation follows months of animosity between the two retail entities.

“I’d come in some mornings and find books strewn all over the place.” said UBC assistant manager Chris Barber, who, like most employees, was shaken up by the split. “The team store really had a strong personality, but man, we never expected it to just move out like that.”

The two divisions united in economic bliss some three decades ago, but the relationship has been strained for some time. Rumors of extra-retail affairs by the team store have been rampant, while the textbook division was busy fighting the Maryland Book Exchange in its professional life. Many observers believe that this left precious little time for the team store, and it consequently went looking for corporate synergy elsewhere.

For months, friends of the two businesses believed that they were staying together “for the sake of the students,” but were no longer doing inventory together. In August, the textbook division went on a well-publicized night on the town with the University Health Center (described by the textbook division as “an old friend”), which may have pushed the team store over the edge.

McDonalds, which is currently lending the space of its former eating area to the team store, issued the following statement: “Me and the team store have been friends for some time, and I had just recently gone through a nasty breakup with my live-in companion, Taco Bell Express.” For now, McDonalds and the team store are keeping their relationship on a purely platonic level.

While some students are holding out hope for a quick reconciliation, student union insiders suspect that the mar- riage is too far gone for any such reunion.

“Now that team store has moved out, textbook division seems to have moved on,” said gossip magazine P.G. County Business Ledger. “The textbook division has already been seen hanging around with a mobile class ring display, and doesn’t appear to be looking back.”

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