Just weeks after winning the SGA Presidency, Action Party Czar Aaron Kraus reluctantly resigned his position after it was revealed that he had been involved in a steamy love tryst with ROC party opponent Kelaine Conochan.
"It is with great regret and remorse that I resign from my position as SGA President, effective immediately," Kraus announced at a press conference attended by this reporter and a few passerbys. "While I have dedicated hour upon hour to winning this election, I just feel that this campus needs me to go away so this scandal can go with me."
News of the scandal broke several days ago, when Kraus and Conochan were spotted making out near the SGA offices by an unidentified pervert. Since then, details of the relationship have leaked out to the media, inspiring a number of responses.
"The President cannot have an extramarital affair!" proclaimed a Diamondback editorial. In response to charges that Kraus in fact is not married, the Diamondback softened their response somewhat, writing that, “while Kraus may not be married, his affair with Conochan is still unacceptable. You can't just start necking with some girl or guy you hate— this isn't 'Cheers'"
With Kraus’s sudden resignation, the election would normally go to the runner-up, Kelaine Conochan. However, due to her involvement in the scandal, Conochan has taken the semester off to host the new reality series "Average SGA Candidate" on Fox. That left the third place candidate, Sing Su of the Underdog Party, as the new president.
"Uh...um...hi?" were Su's first words to the student body. "I, uh, never thought I'd, uh, win this...thing...there's so many peo- ple...watching me...watch...OH GOD NO WHAT HAVE I DONE!?!" Su, the first freshman to be elected SGA President, then fell into the fetal position, mumbling "My baby! My baby! 1600!"
When asked for comment, 4th place finisher Andy LoPresto responded "Don't ask me shit, dog."