As all of you non-athletes know, tuition increased a whopping 21 percent this year, much more than the not-so whopping 15 percent that had been expected.
Where did all that money go? This list was intercepted from C.D. Mote’s email account:
• $7,000 to make the Armory classrooms look even more depressing
• $40,000 for updated anti-riot campaign, "Act Like You Know We're Champions, even though we're 0-2"
• $3,000 for truck-resistant official seals in front of the school
• $195.95 taken by state to rotate and balance Governor Ehrlich’s hair
• $300,000 to change signs at the "Pepsi Presents Chevy Chase Court at the Comcast Center on Chipotle Hill"
• $500 to pay Diamondback columnists for articles on the Dining Hall, their "life-changing experience" over the summer, and how there are too many articles on Instant Messenger
• $3 to speed up construction
• $650,000 to erase memories of the ZOOM advertising campaign • $2,750 to rename Midnight Madness "Narcolepsy Influenced Emotional Actions"
• $5,000 for increased hippie-repellent defense system
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