Saturday, February 18, 2012

Bathroom Review--Marie Mount Hall

(By Marie Mount, As Told to Mike Mackler)

Welcome to my humble commode! I, Marie Mount, have been stuck in this building for over 70 years--like the movie Beetlejuice, only without Geena Davis. When I'm not haunting the halls, I like to relax in my very own bathroom.

You'll find that my wash closets come with a distinctive striped floor design, done entirely in tile. This gives the effect that you are being transported to a different time, when men were men and toilets weren't automatic. In addition, I've added a jaunty orange door to the main toilet--I am, after all, a spring color.

I've seen lots of famous people use my toilets over the years, and I'd like to think that it is my cleanliness that brings 'em back for more. Every night, around 2 a.m., I carefully scrub the tile, porcelain, and metal with a fine brush, handed down from my ancestors. It's a tough job, but don't thank me! Seriously, if you see my spirit, I'll have to banish you to the nether regions where you'll spend the rest of your existence in an immortal limbo.

So come to my bathroom! Thrills, spills, and chills (on cold mornings) await you!

Rating (by an impartial observer): 2 1/2 flushes

Directions: Walk in the entrance facing the Chapel, then walk down two flights of stairs, getting completely lost in the process.

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